When I recall a very difficult time in my life
I remember how God showed me an important verse. I was struggling with
anorexia when this verse jumped out of the page and hit my heart. His
pleasure is not in the strength of the horse, nor his delight in the legs
of man -- Psalm 147:10
I had been
obsessed with the size of my legs, arms, waist -- with everything about
my physical appearance. Here God tells me that the condition of my heart
is important to him, much more important than the condition of my body.
The Psalm goes onto say that The Lord delights in
those who fear him, who put their hope in his unfailing love -- Psalm
147:10
I realized that I feared
the opinions of others; that I had feared that I would not measure up.
I had placed my hope, not in God's unconditional love, but in controlling
my weight. What began in 8th grade as a week-long diet with a friend became
seven years of starvation for me. For some deep psychological, emotional
and spiritual reason, I kept losing weight. By my senior year of high
school, I was 5'3" and all of 79 pounds.
When I sank below eighty
pounds, my eternal battle intensified. I was a Christian, desiring to
serve God, yet enslaved to food. I was miserable. Night after night I
sobbed into my pillow, pleading that God would make me normal. He answered
those prayers slowly and gently. First, he showed me my sin and forgave
me. He gave me caring friends to talk to, reassurance from his Word,
and a wonderful husband. My husband loved ME, not my size.
And as confirmation that
my healing is complete, God has given us three beautiful children -- our
three miracles, we call them, since I was told I would never be able to
bear children as a result of my anorexia.
Now I desire only to fear
God and put my hope in his love... and through his strength, I will delight
only in Him!
Guidelines For Prayer ~ Who
is God?
