The Struggle and Healing With
Author: Debbie Smith
When I recall a very difficult time in
my life I remember how God showed me an important verse. I was struggling
with anorexia when this verse jumped out of
the page and hit my heart. His
pleasure is not in the strength of the horse, nor his delight in
the legs of man -- Psalm 147:10
had been obsessed with the size of my legs, arms, waist -- with
everything about my physical appearance. Here God tells me that
the condition of my heart is important to him, much more important
than the condition of my body. The Psalm goes onto say that The
Lord delights in those who fear him, who put their hope in his unfailing
love -- Psalm 147:10
I realized that I
feared the opinions of others; that I had feared that I would not
measure up. I had placed my hope, not in God's unconditional love,
but in controlling my weight. What began in 8th grade as a week-long
diet with a friend became seven years of starvation for me. For
some deep psychological, emotional and spiritual reason, I kept
losing weight. By my senior year of high school, I was 5'3"
and all of 79 pounds.
When I sank below
eighty pounds, my eternal battle intensified. I was a Christian,
desiring to serve God, yet enslaved to food. I was miserable. Night
after night I sobbed into my pillow, pleading that God would make
me normal. He answered those prayers slowly and gently. First, he
showed me my sin and forgave me. He gave me caring friends to talk
to, reassurance from his Word, and a wonderful
husband. My husband loved ME, not my size.
And as confirmation
that my healing is complete, God has given us three beautiful children
-- our three miracles, we call them, since I was told I would never
be able to bear children as a result of my anorexia.
Now I desire only
to fear God and put my hope in his love... and through his strength,
I will delight only in Him!