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The Struggle and Healing With Anorexia Nervosa

  Author: Debbie Smith

When I recall a very difficult time in my life I remember how God showed me an important verse. I was struggling with anorexia when this verse jumped out of the page and hit my heart. His pleasure is not in the strength of the horse, nor his delight in the legs of man -- Psalm 147:10

I had been obsessed with the size of my legs, arms, waist -- with everything about my physical appearance. Here God tells me that the condition of my heart is important to him, much more important than the condition of my body. The Psalm goes onto say that The Lord delights in those who fear him, who put their hope in his unfailing love -- Psalm 147:10

I realized that I feared the opinions of others; that I had feared that I would not measure up. I had placed my hope, not in God's unconditional love, but in controlling my weight. What began in 8th grade as a week-long diet with a friend became seven years of starvation for me. For some deep psychological, emotional and spiritual reason, I kept losing weight. By my senior year of high school, I was 5'3" and all of 79 pounds.

When I sank below eighty pounds, my eternal battle intensified. I was a Christian, desiring to serve God, yet enslaved to food. I was miserable. Night after night I sobbed into my pillow, pleading that God would make me normal. He answered those prayers slowly and gently. First, he showed me my sin and forgave me. He gave me caring friends to talk to, reassurance from his Word, and a wonderful husband. My husband loved ME, not my size.

And as confirmation that my healing is complete, God has given us three beautiful children -- our three miracles, we call them, since I was told I would never be able to bear children as a result of my anorexia.

Now I desire only to fear God and put my hope in his love... and through his strength, I will delight only in Him!


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