Self-Harm ~ Self-Abuse

The act of deliberately hurting yourself falls under the terms of self-harm, self-injury, and self-mutilation. We usually think of "cutters" when we hear the word self-harm or self-mutilation, but many psychologists state that cutting, eating disorders, drug and alcohol addiction are all methods of self-abuse. These methods are only symptoms of underlying hurts and pains. When I look back and recall the act of purgeing, over and over, I call it self-mutilation.

Today, more than six million adolescents are mutilating themselves with razors, glass, knives, and nails. Many people who self-harm do not even know they are doing it. For example, some people pinch themselves until they bleed or pull out their hair or pick at their toenails and/or fingernails until they bleed.

Self-harm, like disordered eating, indicates that you didn't learn healthy ways of coping with overwhelming feelings. You're not disgusting or sick; you never learned positive ways to deal with your feelings. Many say when they "cut," they don't feel pain. They feel relief. Self-harm, like disordered eating, may also give a feeling of being in control of one's own body, which can be especially important for victims of sexual abuse.

"Cut me open, watch me bleed, let the brokenness be seen. Let it out, those words you just can't say. Let it heal and do it another day."
-Anonymous

Did you know self-harm has been going on for centuries? When you have time, read Mark 5:1-20, the healing of a demon-possessed man. It's the story about a man who lived like an animal in the tombs. Scripture says that "night and day among the tombs and in the hills he would cry out and cut himself with stones" (5:5). Perhaps he did this to see if he could bleed, to try to feel if anything was left alive in him.

What is Cutting and Self-Mulitlation?

Self-injury in the form of cutting has become an increasingly popular practice among young people. We are often contacted by young women and men who are doing this to themselves, and seeking help.

"Contrary to popular myth, people who harm themselves are not trying to commit suicide. They use self-harm as a way of coping with difficult emotions. Instead of expressing their feelings openly, they take them out on their bodies by cutting or burning themselves, picking their skin, taking an overdose, bruising themselves or pulling their hair out.

…Triggers for self-harm can include bullying, bereavement, pressure at work, abuse, financial problems, pressure to fit in and relationship problems. When these pressures pile up, people can find it difficult to cope. Some say that they feel things are out of control.

One sufferer said: 'I think control's a big thing. You can't control what's happening around you, but you can control what you do to yourself.'

Self-harm is often linked to feelings of self-hatred and depression and appears more common in women than men. Experts suggest this may be because men find it easier to express emotions like anger in an outward way or take it out on others. Some people find it difficult to give up the behavior despite realizing that it could be life-threatening and is not rational."

Are you harming yourself by cutting, burning or in some other way? This is an outward expression of all the pain you are carrying inside. God understands why you do it. He sees the turmoil and shame inside of you. He wants to help, if you will let Him. Some are harming themselves because they think that they're hopelessly bad, and they are filled with guilt, or they feel they're losing control.

"Let him who walks in the dark, who has no light, trust in the name of the Lord and rely on his God" (Isaiah 50:10).

"I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. For what I do is not the good I want to do; no, the evil I do not want to do--this I keep on doing. …it is sin living in me that does it. So I find this law at work: When I want to do good, evil is right there with me. …What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body of death? Thanks be to God--through Jesus Christ our Lord!" (Romans 7:18-24).

If you are reaching for hope and help, we urge you to contact a licensed Christian counselor in your area for personal assistance in overcoming this problem. If you don't know where to find one, contact a pastor who can help you locate an expert. All the anxiety and problems that you are facing can be overcome.

Source: Christian Answers Network/www.ChristianAnswers.Net

A Window Into a Cutter's World ~

"I've got to get away. Why do I even bother coming—no one cares that I'm here. I'm worthless. Nothing I say or do is ever right. I'm ugly, fat and lazy. I'll never amount to anything."

OK, so pep talks were never my strong suit. But what made those scathing inner monologues even more dangerous was how I'd try to silence the voices by "cutting." I would rush home, take a knife from my desk and escape to a private place where I'd carve wounds into my skin. Frantic self-abuse and physical pain drowned out the emotional pain I was feeling, if only for a short time. Nursing my wounds, I felt oddly comforted, guilty and aware that, next time, it would take even more pain to find that brief release. I was a freak with a secret. Little did I know how many teen cutters guard that same dark secret.

Experts call cutting "the new anorexia" because, like an eating disorder, it is a self-destructive attempt to control painful thoughts and unexpressed emotions. Current research places the number of self-injurers at about 4 percent of the general population, and as many as 10 percent of American teenage girls. Cutting is the most common form of self-harm, but up to 75 percent of all cutters rely on diverse methods, such as burning, pulling hair or punching walls.

In recent years, several books have been published on this topic. USA Network aired a TV movie about cutting and created an online lesson plan to provide resources to educators. Web sites and in-patient treatment programs such as SAFE (Self-Abuse Finally Ends) Alternatives have been developed to help the self-afflicted. Speaking of her own struggle with self-injury, the late Princess Diana shed light on cutting during a highly publicized 1995 BBC interview. She explained, "You have so much pain inside yourself that you try to hurt yourself on the outside because you want help."

Teens turn to self-injury as a way of dealing with emotional stress, usually stumbling upon self-abuse in a moment of desperation, rather than out of suggestion. A teen named Jamie said of her first experience, "It happened spontaneously. I picked up a piece of broken glass and cut my arm twice. It made me feel better because I could focus on one thing, injuring myself, instead of things that I couldn't control around me. That was something that I could control."

Some cutters avoid showing emotion, using self-abuse to express their hurt or anger. They often can't explain why they cut, or may simply lack the words to express themselves. "They have no language for their own feelings," says psychotherapist Steven Levenkron. "Cutting is the replacement for the absent language." Still others say they feel "dead" and turn to self-injury in order to be reminded that they're still alive. For them, enduring self-inflicted pain may seem like the only way they can feel anything at all.

Despite the way it may look, cutting is usually not a failed suicide attempt. Yet the progressive, addictive nature of the disorder can be life-threatening. The more desperate cutters become, the higher their risk of accidental suicide. Dr. Wendy Lader and Karen Conterio, directors of the SAFE Alternatives program, say one of the major reasons people seek them out is that they're petrified they'll go too far and accidentally kill themselves.

Journalist Marilee Strong, who interviewed more than 50 cutters for her book, A Bright Red Scream, says of self-injurers, "[They] are often bright, talented, creative achievers—perfectionists who push themselves beyond all human bounds, people-pleasers who cover their pain with a happy face." Often friends and family aren't aware that a loved one is cutting. It would seem the signs would be obvious, but cutters can be extremely creative at hiding their wounds. Here are some of the signs to look for in teens:

• Unexplained bruises, cuts, burns or freshly healed scars, especially if coupled with other signs of being troubled. Favor¬ite excuses are "I cut myself shaving" or "The cat scratched me."

• A teen who describes herself as bored or unable to express emotions.

• Wearing long, baggy clothing in the summer to cover the body. Note any unusual desire for privacy, such as a reluctance to change in gym class.

• A normally outgoing person who retreats and doesn't want to talk to family and friends anymore.

• Talking a lot about death, "being bad" or "needing to be punished." Language that expresses low self-worth such as describing oneself as ugly, fat, lazy or worthless.

A common thread among self-abusers is that they've lost sight of the truth. One female cutter explains it this way: "When you construct your worldview on a series of misunderstandings, it's like building a skyscraper with the foundation out of plumb. A fractional misalignment at the bottom becomes a whopping divergence by the time you get to the top." Jesus used this same picture of a faulty foundation in His parable of the foolish man who built his house upon the sand (Matthew 7:26). Cutters can begin building their houses on the rock of Christ by turning to His word for truth and leaving their misperceptions at the foot of the cross.

If you know someone struggling with cutting or other forms of self-injury, there are ways to break this dangerous cycle. You can begin by encouraging them to choose a confidant who will be supportive, nonjudgmental and willing to listen when times get tough. Assuming you're that person, help them find a Christian counselor who has worked with cutters (Focus on the Family can refer you to one in your area). Getting professional help is critical because a cutter needs to know his "triggers"—things that make him want to hurt himself. A therapist can create a plan for handling those situations. For me, journaling and painting provided healthy ways to combat inner turmoil. Others may find it therapeutic to jog, dance or play a musical instrument.

At a spiritual level, intercede for that person and urge them to talk to God as well. Pray they'll know and believe the truth. Search the scriptures for verses that will offer comfort and strength when they start to feel overwhelmed. For example, when voices of self-deprecation threatened to take hold, I reminded myself that the Creator of the universe values me deeply. I am His workmanship (Ephesians 2:10) created in His image (Genesis 1:27) and made complete in His son, Jesus Christ (Colossians 2:10). He has bought me with a great price (1 Corinthians 6:20, John 3:16), calls me His friend (John 15:15) and desires a relationship with me (1 John 1:3).

I spent 10 years as a cutter. But that's not who I am today. Four years ago I told my roommate about my problem, which started me down the road to emotional recovery. With the help of friends and loved ones, I began to experience the truth of Christ's love. I remained blinded by deception until I believed the truth that God loved me passionately and created me for a purpose (Jeremiah 29:11). The secrecy ended. My wounds healed. And although some days can be a trial, I've never re¬gretted my decision to walk away.

A person enslaved by a pattern of self-abuse does not have to stay there. It may take a long time to recover. There may be temptations to cut, or even lapses on the path of healing. Teens need to know that "God is faithful; He will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when [not if] you are tempted, He will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it" (1 Corinthians 10:13). Someone breaking the habit of self-injury can still be hit with destructive thoughts and feelings of worthlessness, but simply re¬membering and believing the truth can go a long way toward setting them free. Addressing the Galatians, the Apostle Paul told God's people to "stand firm and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery" (Galatians 5:1). For the young cutter, that yoke can feel absolutely overwhelming. But I am living proof that there is hope!

A former cutter, Rachel (Nelson) Zoller has seen God's hand in her life. Now she speaks to young people and recently shared her story in Focus on the Family's Dare 2 Dig Deeper teen booklet Hurting Beyond Words: The Silent Agony of Self-Injury. Her story first appeared in Plugged In magazine, July2003-2009.

Resources Not Listed on the Resource Page~

Christian Web Sites: Lysamena Project on Self-Injury and End All the Pain

Secular:

Secret Shame / Self-injury: You are NOT the only one - large site with much information and suggestions concerning cutting and other forms of self-injury / help for families / links / references / treatment resources

Self Harm Alliance - "national survivor led voluntary group which supports people affected by self-harm"

American Self-Harm Information Clearinghouse (ASHIC) - Organization seeks to increase public awareness of self-harm. Explore SI facts and myths or find details about National Self-Injury Awareness Day.

Befrienders International - Self-Injury - Fact sheets on self-harm / crisis support via e-mail or telephone in English, Norwegian, Malay, Estonian, Hungarian, German, Dutch and Polish.

Blood Red: A Self Injury Site - information about self-injury / why / how to stop.

Books:

No More Pain!: Breaking the Silence of Self-Injury by Vicki F. Duffy (Xulon Press, 2004) (ISBN 1-594675-42-2) (Christian) -- Author Duffy shares her first-hand experiences and triumphs over self-injury and other adversities in an insightful way. She reveals its cause and effect. This book is a great resource for anyone supporting a loved one who intentionally harms his or her own body. It is also for those who are convinced that overcoming self-inflicted violence is impossible. Through personal experience, Vicki explains how true freedom can be attained. You will find help in understanding what you or your loved one is facing and in discerning the root of the problem. You will then be able to go forward victoriously, living the life intended for you! The book discusses: How to overcome self-injury / Creative alternatives to harming / How to overcome negative thoughts / How to break free from your past / Recovery is possible / Awareness, information, and support / Coping skills for family and friends. Vicki is currently in the process of obtaining a degree in psychology.

Bodies under Siege: Self-Mutilation and Body Modification in Culture and Psychiatry by Armando R. Favazza (1987, 1996).

Bodily Harm: The Breakthrough Healing Program for Self-Injurers by Karen Conterio, Wendy Lader, Jennifer Kingson Bloom (Hyperion, 1999).

A Bright Red Scream: Self-Mutilation and the Language of Pain by Marilee Strong (2001).

Coping with Self-Mutilation: A Helping Book for Teens Who Hurt Themselves by Alicia Clarke, Carolyn Simpson (1997) - self-help measures and available treatment. Brief, personal stories and profiles illustrate the author's points.

Cut by Patricia McCormick (Front Street, 2000, 2002) - While confined to a mental hospital, thirteen-year-old Callie slowly comes to understand some of the reasons behind her self-injury, and gradually starts to get better.

Cutting by Steven Levenkron

Cutting and Self-Mutilation: When Teens Injure Themselves by Kathleen Winkler (Enslow Publishers, 2003).

Cutting the Pain Away: Understanding Self-Mutilation by Ann Holmes, Carol C. Nadelson, editor (May 1999).

Cutting: Understanding and Overcoming Self-Mutilation by Steven Levenkron (1998) - Known as the illness of the 1990s, close to two million Americans and possibly more suffer from the psychological disorder of self-mutilation. The most prominent public admission was that of Princess Diana. Written for the self-mutilator, parents, friends, and therapists.

Everything You Need to Know about Self-Mutilation: A Helping Book for Teens Who Hurt Themselves by Gina Ng (1998)

The Luckiest Girl in the World by Steven Levenkron (1998), 189 pp. - A bright and attractive figure-skating star, Katie Roskova appears to be the luckiest girl in the world. However, the smile she presents to others cannot camouflage the pain she feels inside - panic at the thought of failure, anger at the ambitious mother she seems never able to please, and disappointment in the father who walked out on her when she was a small child. Unable to express her feelings outwardly, Katie internalizes her pain …cutting herself - taking a pair of scissors to her arm until she draws blood. Terrified that her shameful secret will be discovered, she only cuts herself in private and hides her scars beneath long-sleeve shirts.

The Scarred Soul: Understanding and Ending Self-Inflicted Violence by Tracy Alderman

Self-Injurious Behaviors: Assessment and Treatment by Daphne Simeon, Eric Hollander, editor (2001).

Self-Mutilation by Barent W. Walsh, Paul M. Rosen, Paul Rosen (1988) - for mental health professionals who come in contact with self-destructive behaviors.

Skin Game: A Cutter's Memoir by Caroline Kettlewell (2000).

When the Body Is the Target: Self-Harm, Pain, and Traumatic Attachments by Sharon Klayman Farber, Saron Klayman Farber (2000, 2002) - Farber, a clinical social worker, offers insights for the mental health professional struggling to understand self-harm and its origins. Using attachment theory to explain how addictive connections to pain and suffering develop, she discusses many kinds of behavior and explores the language of self-harm and the translation of that language and its psychic functions in the therapeutic setting. She includes rich clinical material in providing a practical approach to the diagnosis, assessment, and treatment of such patients, and shows how the attachment relationship formed in treatment can serve as the cornerstone of therapeutic change.

Women and Self-Harm: Understanding, Coping and Healing from Self-Mutilation by Gerrilyn Smith, Dee Cox, Jacqui Saradjian (1999).