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EMOTIONAL, PHYSICAL
& SPIRITUAL CONSEQUENCES
BY ANONYMOUS
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The consequences
of my eating disorder have devastated me physically, emotionally, and
spiritually. Physically I have lost my period while I was starving myself
and became emaciated. This hurts my ability to have children, it also
means I'm more likely to have an early onset of osteoporosis now. I also
grew a fine layer of hair (lanugo) on my face, back, stomach and arms
and legs. I was cold and weak all the time. My muscles were wasting away
and my teeth were rotting. I was dehydrated. From purging up to 10 times
a day I tore my esophagus several times. My throat was always sore. My
face would swell and salivary glands would swell too. I would feel faint
and dizzy.
My hair would
fall out in clumps. I would bruise easy. My skin was also dry and chafed.
I'll have abdominal pain from bloating and then from constipation. When
getting a cold it would take me twice as long to get better then the average
person. I couldn't sleep. I have insomnia. From abusing my body and taking
diet pills, laxatives, and diuretics and even ipecac it caused strain
on my heart. I would have heart palpations. I was basically dying. Emotionally
I was depressed. I became withdrawn and isolated. I began to fear foods.
I became paranoid and heard things. At times I would have mood swings
and become irritably. Panic attacks and severe anxiety hit me everyday.
I had difficulty with relationships.
I self-inflicted
pain and would cut myself. My thoughts would race and Ill have obsessive
thinking. I became both impulsive and indecisive at times. I felt self-hate
and shame all the time. My self-esteem was low. I had a strong need for
others approval. I had no real sense of myself. I was spiritually damaged,
my own self-hate consumed me 24 hours a day and there was no room for
enlightenment.
I have lost
friends. I have lost peoples trust. I lost confidence, dignity and pride
in myself. Most of all I lost time. Something I can never get back. When
I should have been going out with friends, to clubs, to parties, taking
exams and going to college. Instead I was locked in a cage full of lies
and pain. I lost my own sense of self worth. My eating disorder and depression
has taken so much away from me. I gave and it took. The only thing I gained
was more self-hate in return.
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