God has rescued us from the power of darkness and has brought us into the kingdom of his Son, whom he loves. His Son paid the price to free us, which means that our sins are forgiven. -- Colossians 1:1-14

Forgiveness: The Power to Change the Past

This letter could have been written by one of thousands of women:

I cannot forgive my father. He sexually abused me for years and put me through hell. How can I forgive him? Would you please share? I'm lucky I never got pregnant, yet the anger and unforgiveness are still there. It extends to my relationship with other males. But more important is causes serious problems with my relationship with the Lord. The word 'father' is not a good word. I hate it. When I try to pray I see myself standing in front of the Lord like I used to stand in front of my father. I realize the problem, but I don't know how to get past it. I love the Lord, but I don't trust Him. How do I get to trust and let all those tall, thick walls down?

How can women like this begin to be healed when the damage has been so great? How could they ever trust God when their image of a father has been so perverted and twisted by their own fathers? Some would tell you that these women could never be completely whole. Others would say healing wouldn't come without years of professional counseling. Is this true? No. God can heal, and His word says so. No doubt, God's Word is truth (John 17:17).

Forgiveness is Part of Healing and Recovery.

The key to freedom is not found in a particular program; freedom is found in realizing there is forgiveness in Christ, and that your past does not have to control your future.

Sometimes the most difficult people to forgive are ourselves. "If only" hounds us. It robs us of peace and makes us feel more guilty. We may carry around so many hurts, and bear so many grudges that we are filled with nothing but bitterness. Oh, to be cleansed and freed -- to forgive and be forgiven! Most people don't know that bitterness and unforgiveness will keep them from being healed. They don't know how to let go of their bitterness and wonder how they ever can forgive. God's Word is so thorough that it not only gives us truth and shows us where we are wrong, it also shows us how to take what is wrong and make it right!

We have emotional difficulties because we have been injured (someone has sinned against us), or we have rebelled (we have sinned), or a combination of the two. The result of this lack of love, or lack of obedience, is we are hidden in a world of guilt and addiction. The guilt and the shame of our addiction often sends us into hiding. We hurt, we are bitter and we hate. If we have to hide we cannot get help for our needs and brokenness; and we won't be blessed.

Being unwilling to forgive means that we hold everyone around us to a standard of perfection--something that we ourselves will never achieve. -- Gary L. Thomas

We Have the Power to Change

When grace comes into our lives we can begin to be resolved and begin to heal. Then comes forgiveness. To forgive is the highest, most beautiful form of love. If you've worked through the initial "crisis" that brought you to this web site, you are now working toward repairing, strengthening, and healing. God's promise: If we confess our sins to Him, He is faithful and just to forgive us and cleanse us from every wrong. -- 1 John 1:9. We can erase the past.

• Lack of forgiveness blocks access to the kingdom and to miracle power: Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to your brother; then come and offer your gift -- Matthew 5:23-24.

• Are you willing to accept responsibility for your attitudes and actions, instead of blaming others? If so you CAN recover.

  The first person you probably have not forgiven is yourself. More people have a lack of forgiveness toward themselves than toward anybody else. They are unwilling to forgive themselves and to recognize that God says, "As far as the east is from the west, so far has He removed our transgressions from us" (Psalm 103:12). If you are a believer, He has already cleansed your conscience from dead works so that you might serve the living God. God cleanses us for service in order to not leave us with the guilt of past sin. That should be dead, buried, and forgotten.

  People must forgive all who need forgiveness. If the first person to forgive is yourself, you need to say, "God, before You, I forgive myself. Whatever I have done, I accept Your forgiveness, and I forgive me." That's a very simple but profound statement, because as long as we feel that we are under condemnation, we will never have faith to see miracles. The eating disorder behavior, and associated addictions are sins in God's eye. Therefore we must ask the Lord to forgive us of these sins. The technique I used was to write down all my bad behaviors (sins).

  Get alone with God, and ask Him to show you your spiritual condition, and convict you of your sins. As things come to mind, write them down - - just lay it out as it is. No one sees the paper but you and God. Say "God, I admit I am a sinner. I take each one of these sins and lay them at the cross of Jesus. I ask You to cover my sins with the blood of Jesus and wash every one away. I accept Your forgiveness, and I ask that You forgive me". "You, O Lord, are good and forgiving, full of mercy toward everyone who calls out to you." -- Psalm 86:5

  Personally, I took the list and burned it in the fireplace. Jesus' blood has paid the price for your sins and now you are free of them! Pretty easy! Satan cannot keep you bound any longer. You are FREE!

  Purify me from sin with hyssop, and I will be clean. Wash me, and I will be whiter than snow. Let me hear sounds of joy and gladness. Let the bones that you have broken dance. Hide our face from my sins, and wipe out all that I have done wrong. -- Psalm 51:7-9

• We all blame someone for our disorder, usually a parent. We have to forgive them, no matter how horrible they have been to us, otherwise God cannot forgive our sins.

  As much as you hate it, you must forgive whoever has hurt you, so that God will forgive you and begin to work in your life. Ask God to bless them, as difficult as that sounds. Now you may feel hatred, but your prayer must be for their blessing. The Bible says to "bless those who spitefully use you and persecute you" (Matthew 5:44). It's easy to be nice to those who are nice, but it takes the supernatural love of Jesus Christ to pay back evil with good.

  Forgiveness = letting go of the past, and it must be immediate. The Bible says "Don't return evil, but return evil with good" (1 Thessalonians 5:15). Love will overcome whatever it is that is going on. If you curse them, then you only hurt yourself.

  If you forgive the failures of others, your Heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if don't forgive others, your Father will not forgive your failures. -- Matthew 6:14-15

  Taking responsibility for your own pain and not blaming others is major move out of bondage into health. Let go, however difficult. Stop blaming others for your trouble and deal with it. Pray about it. If you truly love them and begin to pray for them, you may notice a dramatic change in their attitude toward you. Blaming others is a dead-end street! I don't have all keys to the doors of success, but one key to failure is to try to please everyone. Being controlled by the opinions of others is a guaranteed way to miss God's purposes for your life. Jesus said "No one can serve two masters." --Matthew 6:24

• "Get rid of all bitterness, rage, and anger, and brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as Christ God forgave you." -- Ephesians 4:31. Holding on to the hurts of your past can poison your present and limit your recovery. When you let go of these emotional wounds, you open the door to the life of victory that God has planned.

• Nothing hurts worse than being ignored. -- Sam Friend. Cold, hard silences are often the most painful weapons one person can use against another. Nurturing a grudge can become a full-time preoccupation. Unspoken anger does not bring us freedom, but instead keeps us locked to the other person. The glue of unresolved resentment keeps us stuck in silent pain. Are there really people in our lives who have done things so bad that they deserve to be ignored?

  Learning to assertively express our hurt and anger buys us emotional joy and freedom. We have found that our responsibility is to be honest, clear, and direct about our feelings and our needs. We need to learn when it's time to let go of old hurts and grudges.

  When we develop the habit of clearing the air in relationships, we no longer feel helpless, no longer need to punish by ignoring and withdrawing into cold silence and we can then let our behavior be guided by joy, not pain. Lord, Today, help me to forgive and let go.

  Forgiving Ourselves

  How many of us can say that we struggle to overcome the guilt and shame of what we've done to ourselves and our lives? We hate ourselves for the destruction and waste. Any addiction represents a loss of life. The forgiveness process is not complete until we can forgive ourselves. Even though we may experience God's pardon and reconciliation with those who have harmed us, many of us still lack peace and self-acceptance. Charles Stanley, Institute for Christian Living, says that this can be traced to a self-directed spirit (interesting!).

  He has not punished us as we deserve for all our sins, 11 for his mercy toward those who fear and honor him is as great as the height of the heavens above the earth. 12 He has removed our sins as far away from us as the east is from the west. 13 He is like a father to us, tender and sympathetic to those who reverence him. -- Psalms 103:10-13 (TLB)

  Two men in Scripture faced the same problem. One was Jesus' disciple, Peter, who denied knowing Jesus. The other was the apostle Paul who at one time dedicated his life to eradicating Christianity. Both men probably regretted what they did, but knowing that God had forgiven their sins, neither man could justify holding onto their destructive self-bitterness.

  When we punish ourselves by repeatedly replaying a sin (or series of sins), a cloud of uncertainty develops -- our own unforgiveness undermines our confidence in God's forgiveness. We also open the door to more of the enemy's lies. Over time we feel unworthy not only of God's pardon, but His blessings as well. Eventually we are in a prison of guilt. We think our offense is so great that we can't be forgiven. But Christ died for every single sin - big or little.

  To be free of our unforgiving spirit, we must first acknowledge it. Then we repent (ask for forgiveness) and tell God that we now realize that unforgiveness with ourselves is NOT keeping with His Word. Then we can choose to forgive ourselves by faith - not our feelings, or what others say about us -- based on Scripture, which says He has removed our sins as far as the east from the west!

• Pastor Charles Stanely Message About Forgiving Ourselves
• What the Bible Says About Forgiveness
• How to Restore A Relationship

  "Without memory there is no healing. Without forgiveness there is no future." -- Desmond Tutu

• Resentment ~ Of all the negative emotions, resentment diminishes us the most. It brings unwarranted anger toward those who have something we want, and self-pity for ourselves. It drains us of the energy we need to change our lives and work toward goals. Resentment keeps us in a rigid judgment of who "should" and who "should not" achieve success; all "should" attitudes are pointless, breeding discontent and wasting time. Above all, resentment is ugly to see and even uglier to feel. When I'm resentful, I feel hatred toward others and myself. Lord, today I ask for the humility to accept my limitations, without resenting others who have exceeded them. I ask for the courage to pursue my own goals, not comparing myself to others.

• Speak when you're angry and you'll make the best speech you'll ever regret. --Lawrence J. Peter. When we used food, alcohol or other 'whatever', most of us were hotheads. We thought we were right. If we were proven wrong, we may have made life hell for everyone. People knew enough to stay away from us. In recovery, things will still go badly at times. We'll get hurt. And we'll get angry. But now, our anger no longer controls us. We also turn over our anger to God. In our groups, we talk about what makes us angry. Then we leave the anger behind when the meeting is over. We find that being at peace is now more important than getting even. Prayer for the Day: God, when I'm angry, help me slow down. Help me remember it's okay to be angry, but it's not okay to abuse people. Action for the Day: I will remember a time when I turned anger into rage and hurt someone. I will also remember a time I was angry in a respectful way.

• What is impossible with man, is possible with God, if you just let Him in! We are products of our past, but we don't have to be prisoners of our past. God turned a murderer named Moses into a leader, and a coward named Gideon into a courageous hero. So why can't He do the same for you? He can. He can do amazing things with the rest of your life.

  God specializes in giving people like us a fresh start! Your past is past. Nothing can change that. You are only hurting yourself with any bitterness. For your own sake, learn from this experience and then let it go. The Bible says, "To worry yourself to death with resentment would be a foolish, senseless thing to do." -- Job 5:2.

  If you've never received Jesus Christ in your life, if you want peace of mind and of heart, start by surrendering the old you -- that is the you that has been hurt, abused, the you that is full of hatred and sin. Out of that surrender will come great peace.

  God Through His Grace Sets Us Free! He'll remove the cancer of bitterness and kill the spirit of revenge. If you're keeping score -- give it to God so you can start over and mend the fences.

• Action Point: English poet Alexander Pope wrote "To err is human, to forgive is divine". Ask God today to help you get free from your load of hurts and anger. Start by accepting God's forgiveness, and then try giving it away to someone today.

  Kay Arthur tells a story of a woman who was sexually molested over and over by her father. She became pregnant numerous times. One pregnancy was aborted, the second resulted in a deformed child that died, and the third one a deformed child that lived. She didn't ever want anyone to touch her - and rightly so! She tried to kill herself. And when she tried to tell the authorities her father and mother would say she was lying. She could NOT forgive her father.

  I know myself that would be really hard. What her father did you her makes us all angry. And you know, God was angry too. This is not sinful anger, but righteous, justified anger. Once this woman realized that, and realized the God hated her father for what he did to her, the healing process began. And the healing began when she discovered that God was also angry at her father's sin. So she chose to forgive her father. 3 years passed, and God did miraculous things in that woman. She now loves being a woman, and the people who knew her before said you wouldn't even recognize her. No longer was she afraid of her femininity. No longer did she hide for fear of being violated.

• Feeling hopeless? Worthless? Hold on! Wonderful changes are going to happen in your life as you begin to live it with God. He said "I know what I am planning for you...'I have good plans for you, not plans to hurt you. I will give you hope and good future'" -- Jeremiah 29:11

  You may feel that the future is out of control, impossible, but the Bible says "God...is able to do far more than we would ever dare to ask or even dream of - infinitely beyond our highest prayers, desires, thoughts, or hopes." -- Ephesians 3:30

  God is faithful and reliable. If we confess our sins, he forgives them and cleanses us from everything we've done wrong. -- 1 John 1:9

Incredible Story of Forgiveness:

 Guidelines For Prayer ~ Who is God?