I have selected "My Heart Goes Out" by Warren Barfield, as the theme song. I dedicate the song to these girls on this page.

You may read these and say "There is no hope!" and many doctors would say the same thing. Read these letters and poems -- the pain is so great. But there is healing power in the Word and hands of God. "Out of the mouth of babes and sucklings thou has established strength" -- Psalm 8:2

"The Ten Commandments of Life" written by a young eating disorder patient.

ANONYMOUS --

I want to stop this craziness, but I don't know where to start. I'm tired of knowing how many calories are in everything. I'm tired of restricting only to binge then purging or restrict to punish myself for bingeing. I've felt fat since my earliest memories. I started bingeing in the 2nd grade. I started restricting at 13, then purging at 14. I'll go for long periods without these cycles, then bam, it controls my life.

I'm 24 now, and I want to know what it's like to not think of food 24/7. I want to exercise because I enjoy it, and not think about how I can eat something "bad" because I'm being "good" and exercising. I want to enjoy ice cream dates with my boyfriend and not think about how I will make up for it by not eating anything unhealthy for a week.

I've never told any of my family or friends. We don't talk about stuff like this. It's the way I was raised. I haven't told my boyfriend who I live with. He did see that I bought two ED books last night, but he didn't comment past an "oh". I want to start going to group therapy, but I don't know how to tell my boyfriend. I'm afraid he'll reject me when he finds out.

CONTRIBUTED BY: JENNIFER

Dad I am happy, all will be okay I screamed this on a bright new day I want to eat, feel, see and be apart. Of this wonderful life, of my own art Where is he I wonder, he rarely left my side Playing a game, gone somewhere to hide In clothes of drab no color to be seen I change to show I am a human being. As I walk down the stairs it gives a small moan And from the bottom I hear a lifeless groan What's happening there on such a happy day Where are all the people to hear what I say In the front room I see tears streaking her face.

Don't cry Mum, I am in a happier place. "Dad, dad" I cry, laugh and smile I am really hungry lets go eat for a while. He looks at me with such pain and sadness. All I want now is to bring him some gladness I walk to the kitchen where I find my sister cry. What's going on I ask, wait, no reply. Thomas stands next to the bench with a warm beer. Come on I shout ! You should be happy I am here. I walk from room to room, the silence is loud I wonder what happened to this mournful crowd. Back to my parents I wonder with fear What is making them sad, causing each tear. It won't happen again, I am happy, I'm okay. Please tell me you have something to say.

"Dad" I yell, full of anger and hurt Isn't this what you wanted as I cling to his shirt. Why are you standing there so blank and in pain. Your little baby has got her life back again I follow his eyes and what do I see. A reflection that took the life from me. There on a bed, so silent and still Lay a small girl without no will. This can't be I heard myself scream. Please tell me that this is all a dream. I hear my parents talk, what sounds like a mumble. My father so strong and now so humble. "We should have done something to make her eat. But how could we, when she was set on defeat". "I have lost my baby, now how can I live My heart, my soul, anything I would give" "To hold her again and see her smile. To have her around just for a while" "But now she is gone, taken so clear. A life so precious and one so dear" "How did this happen, it is all my fault If only, if only, if only ... halt"

No I scream, this is not how it ends I get better and our family mends I will start to eat and be with you now. Happy to live, to dance and learn somehow. Just give me a chance to live on this date. Never to bruise, to be hurt or to hate I shiver and tremble, cold with fear. This can't be real, LOOK I AM HERE. I am not going to let this happen to me I know now all I want - is to be free I go back upstairs and climb into bed And cry till it rings and hurts in my head. Awaken by Dad's warm gentle touch "Please eat honey, even if its not much" I grab the bowl with great hast.e And eat it all, nothing to waste. Get me more Dad, I smile with pride. His tears roll down, he's unable to hide. I want to laugh, love, smile and learn. This life is something that I will earn.

Free from the chains that hold me here I realize now it is my own fear. Change the clothes and wash the bed. Everything is clear inside my head. Let me go and not be scared. Let me go and become prepared. Life is to short and I will not waste it. To a ugly disease, I have begun to hate it. Getting better is a choice from the heart I made it now, an old life I depart.

"Heal me, O Lord, and I will be healed.
Save me O Lord and I will be saved,
for you are the one I praise" -- Jeremiah 17:14

CONTRIBUTED BY: AMANDA
she hides her secret
guards it with her life
unassuming to those who know here
she hides in her ability to soar in sports and crush other students academically
yet inside she is dying
her bones are giving way
there is the lingering smell of acid that she covers with fancy perfumes
she is emotionally caving
hardly speaking just to assure the world she is "okay"
she wishes she could just come clean
but that would be admitting to the ultimate sin
that she is not perfect
just a child
bruised and alone
naked for the world to see

There is too much of me
Will it always be this way?

He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak.
Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall;
But those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength.
They will soar on wings like eagles;they will run and not grow weary,
They will walk and not be faint. -- Isaiah 40:29-31

Maybe tomorrow the dream won't fade
As it did today
In a moment of sadness;
success was ruined yet again
Now seeming farther out of reach than ever
This twisted road I chose
So many years ago is developing
Many bumps and bruises to match my cuts and scars

Will tomorrow be brighter than today?
Could it be I will actually achieve that glimmer of perfection
I see in my dreams?
Or are these just the new installment of lies I will feed myself?
Contemplating lead me nowhere; I need answers
When will they come?
When will I be?

  Do You Know Her?
"Someday when my crying is done, I'm going to wear a smile and walk in the sun..."

CONTRIBUTED BY: JEN

I Think I Died
I stared down at the body, that lied motionless in the shower.
It was already stiff after only a half hour.
The water rose higher and fierce as a tide,
so my vision grew blurry.
I think I died.

My skin grew numb and the blood became thicker.
It was slowing down, now I only feel sicker.
I felt the fire in my throat when I sighed.
I'm so dizzy now; I think I just died.

My thoughts had stopped, for my brain was in shock,
A pulse that was no match for an eighty year old clock.
I told them I wasn't going in there for any bad reason,
but you should have caught me for crime and treason.
I swallowed a knot because I just lied
Now I face still water,
After that, I believe I had died...

Now my eyes were swollen and the hands they shook.
I had no recollection of how long that just took.
Wasn't I gone for just a few minutes or ten?
Time couldn't matter when I had just died again.
I crave and yearn, but will never learn.
No matter how many times my heart ached and cried,
I'd do it again, even after I died.

Once was enough, but now my body has it rough.
The muscles are weak and fatigue in the head.
I've pushed my limit, and now I'm dead.

ANONYMOUS --
I have started this bulimia once again...I have quit drinking
I have lost 12 inches and 4 sizes in clothes without eating and tossing it up
now for some reason I can't...rephrase I won't keep any food down
I eat once a day and toss it up
I use too do it years ago.....come too think about it.....through out my life
My older child sees it and says she is gonna tell someone on me if I don't stop
she makes me watch Lifetime movies on the subject and says I am gonna end up with a tube and a hole in my throat.......so for me too knock it off
wow...i am really messed up from alcohol.....eating disorders.....abusive relationships
I do want too quit eating and getting sick ...my throat is hoarse and hurts
I am afraid someday I will just start bleeding internally if I don't quit.......

CONTINUED...more stories.....

Jesus said to her, "I am the one who brings people back to life, and I am life itself. Those who beleive in me will live even if they die. Everyone who lives and believes in me will never die. -- John 11:25-26

 Guidelines For Prayer ~ Who is God?